Jealousy, where is it coming from?

The emotions of an extremely jealous woman can be one of the hardest things to deal with, trust me I know. There was a time, long ago I’m happy to say, that jealousy plagued me like a bad flu. Talk about insecurity. I was constantly questioning my ex boyfriends about their whereabouts never mind the rummaging through there private things, like a CSI agent on a crucial investigation.

It never dawned on me that what I needed to be checking was my behavior and pinpointing exactly where this insanity was coming from. Luckily, it was brought to my attention by my mother, a very bright woman, whom once also suffered this insidiousness but managed to overcome it and currently has a very harmonious, healthy seventeen year relationship with my step dad. My mother suggested that perhaps growing up with a father whom I loved very much and still do might have had something to do with it.

A good dad in general still is. Back in his hay day my dad was a womanizer who enjoyed having extra marital affairs, affairs I was very well aware of and bothered by to say the least. From that snap shot of my past I also remembered my very first boyfriend a guy whom I truly had deep feelings for, I am  talking about feelings I never knew existed, and that is huge for a girl who is only of the age of sixteen. Any how, by the age of seventeen my heart was crushed like a bag of ice, the kind you hit it against a hard surface to make the ice fit in the icebox you are going to take to the beach. The difference here is no one is going to the beach. So, I excitedly decided to surprise my boyfriend only to be the one surprise when an older woman with a towel wrapped around her answered my knock at his door. He politely escorted me outside and I proceeded to walk to the subway station in tears.

 There were a few other circumstances of my past that came to mind while I was trying to figure out the correlation between my present behaviors with my past experiences. My mother’s suggestions along with therapy helped a great deal. In therapy I learned how to manage my emotions with the feelings of insecurity and fear and as I got older I inherited wisdom while looking at life differently. I can not describe how freeing it was to finally overcome those twisted feelings of jealousy it was like a put a mini vacuum to my brain and sucked up all the diseased cells.

 I am not perfect every now and than I may feel a ting of unrealistic emotions coming on but, I have my handy vac ready to do away with them. For the most part today I have a very good relationship with my husband. I trust him and can't imagine a better partner for me.